We do not know one promise these men made, one pledge they gave, one word they spoke; but we do know they summed up and perfected, by one supreme act, the highest virtues of men and citizens. For love of country they accepted death, and thus resolved all doubts, and made immortal their patriotism and their virtue.

James A. Garfield, May 30, 1868, Arlington National Cemetery

This Memorial Day is a somber one for my husband and many other veterans and members of the military. My better half is a combat veteran who served in Vietnam, Desert Storm, and was attached to the unit that snatched Noriega in Panama in 1989. He has witnessed comrades and friends die horribly in the line of duty, treated the wounded and dying at China Beach, and after all these years, he is still haunted by intermittent nightmares of being back at war.

In our household, Memorial Day isn’t about sales, backyard barbeques, or camping trips, it’s about remembering the fallen and those who gave their most precious possession in service of their country.

Monday’s holiday honors all soldiers who died during service to our nation. In 1971, Congress declared Memorial Day a national holiday, but its roots date back to the Civil War.

Memorial Day was originally known as Decoration Day and stems from the early tradition of decorating graves with flowers, wreaths, and flags. On May 5, 1868, three years after the end of the Civil War, Decoration Day was established by Maj. Gen. John A. Logan, the head of an organization of Union veterans known as the Grand Army of the Republic (GAR). The Major wished to honor the fallen by encouraging the public to decorate their graves with flowers, and set the date to May 30, when flowers would be in bloom all over the country. 

In 1873, New York was the first state to designate Memorial Day as a legal holiday, and by the late 1800s, more cities and communities observed Memorial Day. After World War I, the day became an occasion for honoring those who died in all of America’s wars, from the Civil War to Afghanistan.

Some people say that the war in Vietnam was a waste, that thousands of lives were needlessly taken, and that the US military-industrial complex is to blame. Others condemn the invasion of Iraq during the Bush Jr. Administration as a blatant oil grab, and that Afghanistan was a complete waste after the country fell right back into the arms of the Taliban when US troops pulled out.

Memorial Day shouldn’t be about such grievances, no matter how factual and tragic. It should be about remembering and honoring those who have sacrificed everything for their country.

And this day isn’t just about those who have passed. It’s also about military families who still feel the loss of loved ones, friends, and family. For the living, the pain lasts longer, and never goes away.

I hope that we all will take a moment to reflect on the true meaning of Memorial Day: To honor those who gave their lives for our nation and throughout the world. I hope that we also take a moment to recognize and honor our surviving veterans and military families who have lost comrades and friends as well.